White, blank page
by Destianne
Summary: That's what left of his memories. He woken up in psychiatric hospital, with absolutely no knowledge about himself. Because God resurrected Castiel once again. Inspired by pic that Misha uploaded on twitter. Rated T for safety. Possible future Destiel.
1. Chapter 1

He lied in a complete darkness staring at the ceiling of the small hospital room. Everything was light and pastel here, walls, sheets, pillows; even he was dressed in some white pyjama. It made him feel even less _him_, as it could be even possible for a guy in amnesia.

It's been fourth month now, since they lock him up in a nut house. Guy with no ID, no memories, extreme insomnia and signs of depression. Isolated, alienated, he spent all his time just staring at things. He just loved to observe others. People seemed to him so unreal, like they were just actors in a stupid, torturing show which could be his personal hell. But it wouldn't. He used to like this. Once, he even smiled when schizophrenic girl told him, that he's an angel, because he's guardian of they all. It was Livia, she was abandoned by her parents when she was eight, and after orphanage she went straight here, unable to live on her own.

Story of her life was like a silver string for him. Thousands of strings made giant web, everyone had his history, but not him. He was somehow above all this.

During another long, sleepless night, Adam (They named him after first human, because he was so different and lonely, first of his kind.) took a walk on his room. He knew everything here. He learned all on his first day, it was his little skill. Some doctors said that he's kind of autistic, that's why he's so withdrawn and apt at the same time. Adam tried to create history of his life, basing on the fact he doctors told him.

He knew that he's about thirty five, and he celebrates birthday on the day they found him – four months ago. He must've not been pleased of his life, because he nearly drowned and the doctor told him, that it probably was suicide trial. No signs of family and close friends, even when Dr. Allen looked in every foundation that cared about missing people in state. She told him, that he was probably a clerk. She told him lots of things. She was the one that really cared about her patients and wanted him to go back to normal life. This should happen as soon as they cure his insomnia.

He couldn't sleep without meds, and even after night or two, he told everyone that he doesn't feel any different with or without sleep. He begun to lie to everyone, pretend that he's sleeping and thinking all night with his eyes closed. It was relaxing, sure, but not needed. He preferred to slip out to the hospital chapel.

He prayed a lot, mostly in his thoughts. He was thankful that God gave him second chance for a brand new life. Even if it wasn't so apple-pie life yet. Also, he begged him to show him new path, better than previous, catastrophically one. He loved to look at the faces of saints' statues standing around, and beautiful stained glass art on walls. It all made him believe, that even his life has some point.

But this night he couldn't go to his favourite place, because Livia watched him from the other side of the room. He smiled to her, and girl came closer.

"I thought that you're sleeping" She said quietly.

"Me?" He raised his brow ironically.

"I was hoping, that you're finally sleeping" She changed her statement quickly. He nodded. It was all he said on last twenty-four hours.

"Adam, you've got visitors" Said Nurse Debra. He doesn't like her at all, but never showed it. He should be grateful to anyone who helps him here - that was his motto right now.

"I?" He raised his eyes to two younger men. They looked like they were happy to see him. One of them was a bit shaky; the other made the puppy eyes.

He had completely no idea who they are.


	2. Chapter 2

"Castiel?" Dean was insecure about all this. It wasn't common situation when he doesn't knew what to do. Deep inside he wanted to hug his old buddy, but the doctors told him that Cas doesn't remember anything. It could be too overwhelming to him, they said.

Great, now they weren't even sure if it's Castiel, or Jimmy Novak inside this body. Or, maybe no one was here? Those blue eyes seemed empty, comparing to all moments when Cas looked at Dean with more emotions than he could possibly bare.

What was he waiting for? What they all were waiting for? Some magical moment, that usually happens in romantic shitty movies, when person with amnesia immediately remembers everything, just because he saw his loved ones?

"Cas, It's me, Dean. And here's Sammy." He started patiently. "We were looking for you everywhere. We had lost hope." He talked to him like to a toddler. "It's good to see you again."

His arms shook a little. It was really emotional, especially for him. He was sure that angel died when Leviathans took his body and drowned him. He lost all hope.

"It's nice to meet you, Dean and Sammy. My name is Adam." He said, cocking his head on one side, like he used to.

His words almost broke Winchesters hears. Dean turned around, hiding his wet eyes from public view. He thought he lost Cas for good. Hope came to him only for seconds when he drove here, convinced that everything will be good, now. But of course fate preferred to laugh at them.

"Your name is Castiel. We were close friends for last few years. You helped us a lot… Do you remember anything of this?" Sam sat near him, trying to tell him what to believe in. But Dean was sure it won't work, not on Cas.

"I don't remember _a thing_. Doctors didn't tell you? I've got _amnesia_. Probably not curable, that's what they say." He lost his patience.

Sam tried to say him few facts from his life, but he couldn't find anything normal. Younger Winchester decided not to start with the _angel _thing. He didn't want to scare him. After all, it was their closest friend for so long. In all his delusions and daydreams, meeting with Castiel helped Sam.

They spent few hours there. Cas didn't say a thing, didn't asked questions. It looked like he came to terms with all of this. Sam gave up quickly.

"We'll come back soon. We need to go now, but… you're not alone, Cas." As he said that, Dean gave him keys to Impala.

"Take care of this baby. I'll take care of this." He looked at his angel. Now, he looked calm and relaxed, but inside…

Inside Dean Winchester was a war against God, Angels, Demons, amnesia, and himself. He was angry on pretty much anything but his brother and his best friend. And he decided. After awkward silence, he looked at his friend and said three important words. Probably the most important words tonight.

_Please, let me know if anyone reads this __ I know that communication on isn't perfect and sometimes I feel like I'm still writing to myself, as always. Reviews are blessing for me, really. And constructive criticism, please!__  
>I'm still begging you not to notice the grammar mistakes. I know I suck at grammar, but I'm learning hard! <em>_  
>If you read this far – I love toy truly, my fandom!Girl love ^^. Cheers. <em>


	3. Chapter 3

"You're an Angel" His voice was totally serious, but somehow Castiel smiled ironically at him.  
>"Don't laugh at me. Just because I'm amnestic doesn't mean I'm nuts" He looked him in the eyes so deeply, that Dean started to have a hope for bringing his angel back out of… wherever he was in this crazy, little head.<br>"Do I look like I'm laughing?" He asked. "You're an Angel of the Lord, you helped me to beat an Apocalypse, and then you went crazy about this all 'God thing', but Leviathans took control over your body and drowned you in a public supply reservoir. We thought you were dead, but you somehow managed to survive, maybe God resurrected you again, I don't know! And here you are, sitting with fuckin' amnesia. I'm not going to leave you here, Cas. You're going back with us."

Adam listened to him in silence. He nodded his head few times, what makes Dean thing that he actually remembers some of this stuff.

"Do you think this is funny? You've hidden camera somewhere here? Or you're new patient?" He asked, with his gravelly voice.

"There's no time to explaining everything for you. We're taking you from here whether you like it, or not" Dean grabbed his arm and drag him through the door.

Yeah, it was kidnapping. He had to, how could they possibly leave him here? Dean knew that Sam probably would've tried to do this on easy way, but there was no easy way. Monsters don't take holidays. Dean couldn't just sit there days and nights in some freaky romantic way and describing him stories of their life. He didn't want Sam to interfere in this, that's why he sent him back with his baby.

Well, because Cas was already buried deep in Adam's brain, he wasn't so sure about running away from psychiatric hospital. In result, second later his fist was on Dean's nose.

"Son of a bitch!" Screamed Winchester, hiding his face in hands.

"Leave me alone, you crazy assbutt." Adam stepped back and looked at other guy with anger and… fear?

No, Dean could beat him, drag him around, kidnap him, but he couldn't, just couldn't made him afraid of him.

"Cas, I can't help you, but I want to. Let me do something, you can't stay here right now. It's dangerous for you." He whispered.

"I'm not Cas, and I don't want your crazy help. Go away, or I'll call doctor, or a nurse." Cas stepped back few more steps, finally touching wall with his back.

Dean tried to overcome this feeling in his chest, that made him scream at his stupid fate, that leads them here. Everything was wrong. He couldn't help it. Dean Winchester was powerless.

He tried to come closer, with his hands in the air in surrender, but Adam clenched his fists and closed his eyes.

"Doctor?" He cried, like hopeless baby.

Dean made another step, trying to calm him down.

"Castiel, I believe that you're somewhere there. I'm begging you… No! I'm praying to you, you bastard. Please, stop playing this sick game and come to me. I was so lost without you, you have to…"

Adam was terrified. If this crazy person tried to scare him to death, he was on the best way for that. He heard footsteps on the hallway and opened his eyes. But it wasn't doctor. It was the other guy, holding something in his hands.


	4. Chapter 4

"I thought you missed this. It was yours, so maybe if you…" Sam showed him the one thing that usually made Castiel look complete. His dirty, old trench coat. "Dean kept it in Impala, I almost forgot about it."

Blue eyes couldn't believe it. Maybe it was nothing, just some nice feeling that flooded his heart. He touched coat, and somehow he _knew_ it was his.

"I… can I keep it?" He asked, suddenly with soft voice.

Dean couldn't believe in this change.

"Do? Do you remember something now?"

"I remember this smell, and… wearing it. Waiting for something near highway for few hours, and thinking about… stuff." He whispered, touching coat with his cheek.

"That's good. Stay with this feeling." Said Sam. "It's real. I thought that maybe if you have something yours you would feel more… you. "

Yeah, Sam was the kind of guy, who really knew what's real. He needed to, otherwise he would be totally lost.

"You were waiting for me back then. We had an appointment." Dean smiled gently. "And when we met I told you 'Don't ever change'.

"But I changed." Person behind the blue eyes wasn't strange anymore. The way he tilted his head back made Dean smile even more.

"No, you didn't. You are still our stubborn, curious, intelligent, and little bit childish Castiel. You just… forgot few things." Now, when Dean said it like that, and not in crazy-Dean-style, it made perfect sense even for guy with amnesia.

"And this angels and leviathans and God thing?" He asked.

"You told him about it?" Sam couldn't believe that his brother can be so irresponsible. "Are you insane?"

"I had to!" He said.

"What is happening in here?" Nurse walked in, confused by the crowd he saw in Adam's room. He never had quests before, not to mention so loud and dirty guests as these two guys did.

"Nothing." Said patient quickly. "I'm talking with my friends."

Everyone's eyes were on him right now.

When nurse made sure that, everything is fine and walked away, Sam send his friend a questioning look.

"Do you feel any better?" He asked.

"Not really, but I want to know more. Seems you have some answers."

"Will you do me the favour and ask questions in my Impala? We really need to get you out of here." Dean put his hand on Castiel's shoulder.

"I like this place… I feel safe here." He looked him in the eye.  
>"We won't let anyone hurt you" Promised older Winchester. He preferred to use 'we' than 'I' because he thought that his brother would say some weird comment about it. He didn't want that right now.<br>"Wait until you see Impala." Said Sam instead.  
>"Yeah, my baby is waiting there alone. We need to go, now. Do you have anything you want to take with you?"<br>Adam send him ironic look.  
>"I don't have anything to wear outside" He said.<p>

"You have your coat. It's a good start, isn't it?" Sam opened the door and looked around. They need to walk out of here safely, without anyone else knowing that they are kidnaping a patient.

"Where are you going?" Liv stopped them in hall. "Adam? Are you leaving? Doctors know it?"

_**I added this chapter today, because I am going to my dorm this evening and probably I will stop writing every day. I know chapters are short but I prefer to add a bit daily than a lot once a week. I have so many ideas and so little time. I will try to add something in Wednesday afternoon but I cannot promise anything.**_

_**I want to share the LOVE and thank you all for reviews. They are making me feel that someone actually read this! **_


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